APeelingLivingAloneRoad toKindnessOnlineDatingDigital MagazineAppeal to the marketplaceFebruary 2021
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Shannon’sThoughts Things here at MarketAPeelare changing. At the end of lastyear I partnered with Beatriz Fritzwho is taking on the sales roll tobuild relationships with potential cli-ents. This is a huge weight lifted offme as trying to do everything wasnot working. For the last week I’ve beencreating processes, securing newtalent, and assessing technologicaltools to help make everything runsmoothly. Going from a solo act to onewith a supporting cast is exciting.Ifeel like I can breathe and am nal-ly getting somewhere. Trying to doeverything and be everything wasexhausting. I am on solid ground. I can seethe light and I am coming into it.Things have turned around for meand those dark days seem like theyhappened to someone else. When Iwas in the darkness, I didn’t believepeople when they told me every-thing would work out. I had a hardtime getting through the day, tryingto envision my future was difcultas all I saw was loneliness and fail-ure. Years later, I am still alone,but I am not lonely. I have failed,but I don’t feel like a failure. I seea promising future, one I am veryexcited about. APeeling is meant to be wayfor me to help those who are lost inthe darkness of their lives nd solu-tions to help them move forwardtowards a better tomorrow. This issue is meant to helpthose who are struggling nd theirfooting to build an APeeling life,career, or business..
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Stats show single occupant homeshave increased over the last fourdecades as more adults choose tolive alone. The trend of single livingbegan in the 1960s as the babyboomers wanted their indepen-dence from parents, womenwanted careers of their own,and divorce rates began to rise. According to StatsCan,“Since the beginning ofthe 20th century, the averagesize of households in Canadahas decreased, from 5.0 per-sons in 1901 to 2.4 personsin 2016. Along with smallerhouseholds, the proportion ofone-person households grewrapidly, from 7% in 1951 to 28%in 2016, the highest level onSingle Living in CovidClick the Peel to continue readingby Shannon Peel
Tammy Boljuncic helps peo-ple protect their wealth using, investment, insurance, tax, and estate planning tools. She has a passion for helping others suc-ceed, which drives her get out into the world and nd someone to cheer for. She has a joy for life, which radiates from her and lls a room with positive energy. Her life’s purpose is to support others, help them keep their family’s wealth safe, and nd nancial security. Her generous nature is at the core of her cli-entcentric philosophy. She goes out of her way to make her clients feel com-fortable and safe because she has a mission to protect others, Meet Tammy BoljuncicClick the Peel to continue readingby Shannon Peel
Communication is clearer when we understand the per-son we are talking to and what they need from us to under-stand our message. This is why the Blind Spot Assessment is such a good tool for you and your team. The report tells you what your strengths and poten-tial blind spots are so you can be more self-aware when com-municating. Did you know, by knowing what your team member’s Blind Spot Type is, you can under-stand their needs when com-municating with them? Motivators and Analyzers are complete opposites. If they can gure out a way to commu-by Likky LavjiMotivator v analyzerClick the Peel to continue reading
Team Alignment in 2021We’ve created a system of in-tegrated series of one-on-one, small group and facilitated team dialogues, and interses-sion work for the virtual meet-ing situation many organiza-tions are faced with-in today’s environment. One-on-one discussions with a coach enables explora-tion of issues they do not feel comfortable voicing in a group environment. During the per-sonal coaching sessions, in-dividuals will develop skills to share their ideas in future group discussions and process their reactions to behaviours of other team members. Facilitated group discus-Click the Peel to continue readingby Shakeel Bharmal
The Road to Kindness It is hard to get people tosee eye to eye on everything,isn’t it? Debates will continuefor centuries to come and peo-ple will continue to disagree. One thing we can all agreeupon though, is that 2020 hasbeen anything but kind. Al-though many blossomed, manyalso struggled. The rst quarterkicked off with a global pan-demic that disrupted the livesof millions. 2021 was destinedto rescue us and be our knightin shining armor. It was sup-posed to be the hero to burstonto the scene and save usfrom the corona villain. But justwhen we thought it was over, intrue movie fashion, 2020 rearedClick the Peel to continue readingby Shannon Whittington
Online Dating Scam Red Flags You’ve heard the sto-ries. You know there are peopleon online dating sites who areonly there to get your mon-ey, with no intention of meet-ing you, dating you, or lovingyou. I’ve talked with a few, andplayed the game, to nd outwhat tricks they had up theirsleeves. Most of the time they havea sob story that their wife diedin some horrible accident, orfrom cancer, leaving him a wid-ower and single dad. It’s alwaysa story that will pull at yourheart strings. One guy told me his wifeand son died in a horrible caraccident on her way to church.Click the Peel to continue readingby Shannon Peel
There is no denying that thisis a difcult time for anyone whosought support from others outsideof the home, regardless of whomthey live with. Any forced changecan result in depression in anyonewho does not have the tools tocope. Dealing with change in life-style is difcult even when one isexcited about the changes. Whena negative change is forced uponyou, the ground is fertile for hope-lessness and depression to takeroot. This can happen at any time,not just during a Pandemic shutdown. It can happen when some-one you love dies, you experiencedivorce, your kids move out, youget red or laid off, an investmentBattling DepressionClick the Peel to continue reading
Stats show single occupant homes have increased over the last four decades as more adultschoose to live alone. The trend of single livingbegan in the 1960s as the babyboomers valued their indepen-dence from parents, womenwanted careers of their own,and divorce rates began to rise. According to Stats Can,“Since the beginning of the 20th century, the averagesize of households in Canadahas decreased, from 5.0 per-sons in 1901 to 2.4 personsin 2016. Along with smallerhouseholds, the proportion ofone-person households grewrapidly, from 7% in 1951 to28% in 2016, the highest levelon record.” In the US, the trendwas very similar, “In 2020, ap-proximately 36.2 million peo-ple were living in single-per-son households in the UnitedStates.” (Statisca.com) The trend continued over the last thirty years with X-genand Millennial increasingly liv-ing on their own. Some peoplenever married, while others di-vorced and decided not to enterinto marriage again in favour ofliving on their own. The biggestgrowth in single homes is in the45-64 age group. Part of thiscohort are divorced people wholive alone for a short time beforending a new partner. Though people choose to live alone,they still need connection andcommunity for their mentalhealth. To fulll their need for so-cial interaction, they developedIncrease inSingle LivingBy Shannon Peel
intricate lives outside of their homes to socialize at work, go out with friends, to the gym, classes, or a meetup group. They had the best of both worlds; community connection, and solitude. Many businesses facilitate the need for community by bringing individuals together for activities. Be it a yoga class, a painting night, or a running group. These regular scheduled get togethers helped single people to socialize with oth-ers without having to invite them over or plan dinner parties in their homes. Covid closed these places and forced those who live alone to spend more time by themselves. However, that didn’t stop sin-gle people. They increased the amount of time they spent on social media and interacting on regular zoom calls. Being able to connect with people from all over the world with the click of a mouse
has helped many people cope during lockdowns and social distancing. Whether it was hav-ing dinner with family members hundreds of miles apart, or tex-ting with a new Tinder match, connection and community is still possible, though different. Online we can form pro-fessional relationships, build friendships, and even fall in love with someone who lives on the other side of the globe. Anything is possible if we put in the effort. However, virtual rela-tionship building is fraught with dangers and are less satisfying than real world interactions. Online scammers seek out those people who are alone and feeling lonely. They use the power of words to form con-nections that feel so real, they can ask for money and receive it without question. For more about Online Dating Scams, read the article in this issue. Scammers are on all social me-dia sites and it is important to understand how they work. We use social media to nd the connections we crave and it is human nature to com-pare our lives to those we see in our social media feeds. Too much time scrolling through
Be Battle ReadyTypes ofDepressionYour Soldier Your Army Your TrainingTypes ofSupportTypes ofTherapiesour feeds can give anyone askewed impression of what oth-ers lives are like and how ourown life falls short. Is it any wonder depressionlurks waiting to attack anyonewho spends too much time fo-cusing on what others have andwhat they lack, instead of whatthey have? For more aboutghting the depression war,click one of the peels above. Single life during Covidcan be lonely, quite, and dif-cult. However, it can also giveyou the time you need forprojects you always wanted tocomplete. Whether it is learn-ing a new language, develop-ing a skill for work, getting newcertication to give you a bet-ter chance at that promotionyou’ve had your eye on, or per-haps connecting with peopleyou haven’t talk to since highschool. With zoom you can talkface to face, no matter how faraway they live. Single people have thetime without the distractionof a spouse or children, unlikethose who live with family andmust see to their demandsand needs. The grass may lookgreener, but each side of thefence has it’s own challenges.
Being single during Covid,makes socializing difcult, butnot impossible.
There are many reasonspeople choose the single life.They never found the right per-son. Are focused on their ca-reers or businesses. Some lostthe love of their life and cannotsee themselves with someoneelse. Others tried marriage orcohabitating for awhile and arenow learning how to live forthemselves instead of for others.Living the single life is differentthan living a married life or fam-ily life, but no less fullling whenit is packed with activity, com-munity, and satisfying work.
I’ve been able to focuson launching a new productto take my business in a differ-ent direction. I’ve met peoplethrough LinkedIn and continueto meet with them once a weekon zoom to support and helpeach other.I listen to audible nonstop to keep me company. I staysane by keeping my mind busyfrom morning to night. For the last ten years, a newtrend has been developing asmore young adults choose to liveat home with their parents insteadof striking out into the world ontheir own. It will be interesting tosee if this trend and the experienc-es of Covid will change the trajec-tory of single home occupancy inthe near future.Like this article? Share it ->Click Peel tojoin the discussion
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Why Do you think Gen Z and Millennials feel so much lonelier than Boomers? No one asked X - Gen if they were lonely - Why Not? Where do you think they would t in the answers?Click the Peel to Join the ConversationDate of Survey is 2019.Do you think it’s gotten better or worse?
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About Cameron Chell Cameron Chell is considered a ‘serial entrepreneur’ with his rst ventures beginning at age 14 and a trajectory in business that spans more than 25 years. He is the co-founder and CEO of the Business Instincts Group (BIG) and BUILD Impossible. He has launched numerous successful tech start-ups such as Dragany Innovations (CSE: DFLY) (OTCQB: DFLYF), ColdBore Technologies, Raptor Rig, Urthe-cast, KODAKOne and Currency-Works (TSXV and OTCQB: CWRK). His entrepreneurial success is based on principles of clear vision, quantiable results and tireless pur-suit of goals. A sought-after speaker, Chell has addressed audiences of thou-sands in settings around the world. His presentations include speeches at the United Nations, Tony Rob-bins, and TEDx Montreal Women. His talks touch on themes ranging from technology to homelessness as he shares his life experiences of overcoming hurdles and doing “the impossible.”Cameron Chell Gets SchooledDiscover the APeeling Social Media Content Package
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Imagine Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory” and To-bias Funke from “Arrested De-velopment” running a business together. How do you think it would go? They probably wouldn’t hear what either one said and would get extremely frustrat-ed with each other’s ideas and work style. Sheldon would ex-plain all the reasons why his idea was the superior one and Tobias would go do what he wanted while getting the team onboard with his crazy stunts. Could these two types of people ever communicate and work well with each other? It would take a herculean effort on both sides of this match up, however, it is possible. The Motivator POV The Motivator makes friends easily and wants every-one to succeed, they just don’t always follow through on their ideas. By taking a moment to ask the analyzer for their in-put, (just don’t zone out when they give all the reasons their idea will work,) the Motivator will discover well thought out ways to get stuff done. The an-alyzer will keep the Motivator accountable and on task to see Keynote Speaker | Facilitator | ConsultantAPeeling ColumnistThe Motivator v the Analyzer
the project through to comple-tion. Admit it, that would be benecial. The Motivator’s intuitive nature will come in handy for this mission impossible, if they choose to accept it. By understanding the Ana-lyzer has a need to be right and for the job to be done right, the Motivator can easily make this relationship work. Acknowledge the Analyz-er’s need to be right and use their Motivator ability to con-vince them to get onboard with the rest of the team. A Motiva-tor can help the Analyzer de-ne more realistic expectations, feel included in the group, and feel appreciated for what they bring to the table. Motivators have the op-timistic attitude to succeed, however it will take patience as the Analyzer is quite stubborn. The Analyzer’s POV The Analyzer will want projects to be done the right way and they have high expec-tations of themselves to get things right the rst time. They expect everyone else on the team to be perfect too and tend to get bogged down in the details, which cause de-lays in getting the project off the ground. By talking to the Motivator, the Analyzer can see the bigger picture and nd ways to get started without needing every little detail in
place. The Motivator will keep the Analyzer moving forward and excited about the project. The Analyzer’s ability to keep everyone accountable will come in handy for this mission impossible, if you choose to accept it. By understanding that the Motivator needs to feel excit-ed in order to be interested in a project, the Analyzer can nd information and ideas to keep them engaged. When talking to a Motivator, do an Anyalyz-er needs to do their best to skip over details and get to the point by focusing on the end result more than how the team will get there. Talk about the next steps, the big picture, and the result to keep the Motivator’s atten-tion while making the next steps clear to everyone. Don’t overload Motivators with tasks and details, they’ll get lost and then they’re off on another adventure. If you want to talk about the details of the project and everything you know about the topic, nd the controller or sta-bilizer to talk to, they will be interested in what you have to say. With the Motivator’s natu-ral ability to motivate the team to get started on a project and the Analyzer’s natural ability to see the project through to com-pletion, these two can make for a great team. They just need to learn how to communicate.
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Emily de Silva is a co-own-er of Cultivated Talent, a re-cruitment company for thebeauty, lifestyle, and fashionindustry. I recently met her in aweekly business groupfacilitated by Alaina Schwartz.As I’ve gotten to know her andthe challenges she faceshelping clients nd theright candidates for positions, Icame to understand the issuescompanies have filling positions and diversifying their teams. Watch the video to learnmore about Cultivated Talentand how they help clients. Click the Peel to learnmore about Cultivated Talent.
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We’ve created a system of integrated series of one-on-one, small group and facilitated team dialogues, and interses-sion work for the virtual meet-ing situation many organiza-tions are faced with-in today’s environment.Personal Coaching SessionsOne-on-one discussions with a coach enables exploration of issues they do not feel com-fortable voicing in a group en-vironment. During the personal coaching sessions, individuals will develop skills to share their ideas in future group discus-sions and process their reac-tions to behaviours of other team members.Facilitated Group Session Facilitated group discus-sion uncover important issues and resolve them in a safe, can-did and trusting environment. The team will create an aligned understanding and commit-ment to key questions includ-ing but not limited to:Building Cohesive TeamsWhat is the team’s purpose?How do we behave as a team?Clarify tasks and processesIdentify goals and KPIsWhat is the most important thing we need to do next?Assign roles within team(Derived from Patrick Lencioni’s The Advantage)How to Align Teams in 2021By Shakeel Bharmal
The facilitator will provideshort, thought provoking key-notes, reection questions,brief videos, and articles to pre-pare for one-on-one and groupdiscussions and will also doc-ument outcomes of dialoguesand share for reaction. The way this work is doneshould serve to build trust andclarity and set the tone for theway decisions are made anddifferences of opinion are re-solved within the organization.all team members” Every year, leaders need toensure their teams are alignedto achieve the purpose of theirdepartment and organization.This year, one and two day allday planning meetings are notrealistic in a virtual environ-ment. The signicant virtualwork spawned during the pan-demic has had some benets,like reduced commute times,increased productivity, in-creased exibility and for somebetterwork life balance. While collaborative toolsand video conferencing cer-tainly helps in getting the workdone, it has been increasinglydifcult to build the alignmentrequired to ensure teams arecohesive and have a sharedclarity, understanding of ac-countability, and expected re-sults for the team. Due to the pandemic, in-dividual lives and work habitshave changed. Trying to simplyreplicate past formats to facil-itate team alignment will missthe individual reection re-quired for each member of theteam to re-dene the way theyengage and their role withinthe team.Like this article? Share it ->
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Meet the RealtorColleen Shorter When Colleen Shorter moved to the North Shore, she felt like she was nally home. It is where she belongs and she never wants to leave. Whenever she drives north over the Lions-gate bridge, she gets a warm feeling and a huge smile on her face because she is living in the best place in the world. She en-joys living the healthy lifestyle the North Shore offers.The community has everything she needs. It has the Park Royal shopping centre, small business boutique shopping, yoga class-es, doctors, pharmacies, the park, the beach, and the moun-tains. You can swim, bike, walk, ski, snowshoe, and never have to drive. Whether she visits the Capilano suspension bridge, the dam, Grouse Mountain, the riv-er, and trails, she is happy to be in the natural environment of her community.Discover why she loves Living in Vancouver’s North Shore.Look Inside
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Tammy Boljuncic helps people protect their wealth us-ing, investment, insurance, tax, and estate planning tools. She has a passion for helping oth-ers succeed, which drives her get out into the world and nd someone to cheer for. She has a joy for life, which radiates from her and lls a room with positive energy. Her life’s pur-pose is to support others, help them keep their family’s wealth safe, and nd nancial security. Her generous nature is at the core of her clientcentric philoso-phy. She goes out of her way to make her clients feel com-fortable and safe because she has a mission to protect others, ensure they are protected when vulnerable, and are not taken advantage of by selsh peo-ple. When you meet her, you realize it isn’t an act, she really lives to provide safety to others because she has a deep seed-ed need to feel safe and wants everyone to experience the joy of life when they are no longer living in fear. Tammy loves a good con-tract and reads up on industry products every day to ensure she has the information her cli-ents need to make an informed decision. She strives to under-stand the reasons her clients want to save, protect their fam-ilies, and their health so she can introduce them to products matching their needs and not the ones that pay her the most. In fact, she doesn’t know which insurance companies or prod-ucts pay higher or lower com-missions because that is the Meet Tammy BoljuncicInsurance AdvisorBy Shannon Peel
only piece of information sheskips over when diving into thefeatures and benets of eachinsurance product and its con-tracts. It truly bothers her whenshe sees people who were soldsomething they didn’t need,didn’t want, and didn’t ask forwhen they approached a nan-cial professional. To protect her clients, itis important to be a resourceand have the answers to helpthem make the best decisions,this takes constant study. Sheis currently taking the CFP –Certied Financial Professionalcourse to be able to provide herclients with more in the way ofanswers, products, and solu-tions for their nancial plansand goals. She takes everyopportunity to learn about theindustry and all it has to offer inorder to serve clients the bestoptions for their situation. If you don’t continue toread and learn about all the op-tions, you can’t help people withthe tough stuff, like tax plan-ning. Taxes are complicatedand most people nd it boringto read about tax law and howto pay less in tax because it is
a complicated always changing part of nancial planning. When she talks to people who don’t know how to lower their tax bill and do not have a plan in place to ensure their wealth is pro-tected from tax, she becomes a crusader to educate them, advocate on their behalf, and bring trustworthy professionals to the table to efciently struc-ture their nancial plan. When she talks to people who fear they won’t be able to retire because they won’t have enough money to live on, it bothers her. She believes ev-eryone should have the right to retire and afford to take care of themselves. Many people are uncomfortable talking about their nancial health, pension plans, taxes, and estate plans. Tammy approaches the topics with an upbeat, excited energy because she loves talking about these topics. Don’t understand your pension plan, no prob-lem she’ll dive in and explain it to you. Don’t know how much you’ll really need in the bank to be able to walk away from your job? No problem, Tammy will explore what lifestyle you want
and how much it will cost. She loves these types of challenges because at the heart of what she is doing is helping people nd security and joy in their fu-ture, which is her purpose in life. There are many reasons why Tammy loves the insurance and investments industries, when it comes to a personal reason it is all about the num-bers. She prefers insurance products and segregated funds because of the certainty they of-fer her clients and the lower risk when compared to other invest-ment vehicles. Her approach is to secure what you have rst and then decide if you can af-ford to take higher risks with your family’s wealth. She prefers working with cli-ents who work hard, have saved some money, built wealth through real estate or business, and need a way to protect their family. People who want guar-antees, who want to feel se-cure, and know what they will have in the end are her ideal clients. Photo by Marcy PeelLike this article? Share it ->Click Peel to Comment
It is hard to get people to see eye to eye on everything, isn’t it? Debates will continue for centuries to come and peo-ple will continue to disagree. One thing we can all agree upon though, is that 2020 has been anything but kind. Al-though many blossomed, many also struggled. The rst quarter kicked off with a global pan-demic that disrupted the lives of millions. 2021 was destined to rescue us and be our knight in shining armor. It was sup-posed to be the hero to burst onto the scene and save us from the corona villain. But just when we thought it was over, in true movie fashion, 2020 reared its ugly head again and lmed one last scene. The Road to Kindnessby Shannon Whittington
Priceless The storming of the Capi-tol made us think that perhaps 2021 was not our saving grace after all. It tempted us to give into cynicism and unrest. To hop on the bandwagon of us versus them. Maybe we are in for yet another year of huge disappointment and isolation. Who knows? But we must not lose hope. Kindness is the antidote to 2020, so why wait for divine intervention? This year will be only as good as we make it. Our bright future is ahead, and kindness is the road that will lead us there. Social media has made us all addicted to society’s likesand emojis. But the sele ap-proach doesn’t work here. When it comes to cultivating kindness, you are only compet-ing against yourself. Be kinder today than you were yesterday, and pledge to be even kind-er tomorrow, even if there are Kind Words Cost Nothing yet are
no “seles” to post. You don’t need to capture what you did for someone. You know what you have done, and more importantly the person who beneted from your kindness knows. Let that be the sele you store in the album of your heart. Your kind act does not have to be something monu-mental or even life-changing. It could be as simple as holding the door open for someone or saying thank you at the check-out counter. Wearing a mask is an act of kindness as well. This issue has become sur-prisingly controversial, but it really doesn’t have to be. Face coverings are here to not only protect you but also to protect others. Yes, it is inconvenient, but wouldn’t you rather be slightly inconvenienced than live or even die from conta-gion? Many of us tend to put our sense of compassion on a men-tal shelf and dust it off in the time of crisis, when we need to make a bargain with our con-sciousness. Do not promise to be compassionate in exchange for a better future; promise to be compassionate as if the bet-
ter future has already arrived. Sometimes when we see some-one who is different from us, our gut feeling tells us to stay away. Perhaps we fear the unfamiliar. Yet, intellectually speaking, we know we are all the same. I chal-lenge you to open your mind, heart, and spirit and give every-one the benet of the doubt. We all have the same needs, wants, and desires. In-stead of shying away, why not lean in? Perhaps they will drop some wisdom that you can ap-ply to your life, and maybe you can share as well. Dialogue often leads to understanding which leads to compassion and ultimately a kinder, more peaceful world. And who doesn’t want that? Unlike Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, when it comes to real-life, acts of kindness are al-ways liked. Let us lead the way and be a positive example to others. The much-talked-about world peace is like a jigsaw puzzle and an individual act of kindness is an integral piece of that peace. In the end, all pieces fall into place to create a beautiful journey of hope and belonging. I’m ready to do my part, are you? Click Peel to learnmore about ShannonLike this article? Share it ->Click Peel to Comment
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You’ve heard the stories.You know there are people on online dating sites who are only there to get your money, with no intention of meeting you, dating you, or loving you. I’ve talked with a few, and played the game, to nd out what tricks they had up their sleeves.What are the Red Flags? Most of the time they have a sob story that their wife died in some horrible accident, or from cancer, leaving him a wid-ower and single dad. It’s always a story that will pull at your heart strings. One guy told me his wife and son died in a horrible car accident on her way to church. He was a soldier in the US army, stationed in Syria, and his daughter was at boarding school in Canada.What made me suspicious? He was not in my area. He was in Syria, a war zone, and a US soldier. I realize that the US did send soldiers to train the rebels, however, at the time Spot the Scam
of this conversation, it was not public knowledge. He would Skype with me, but the sound never worked and we were still IMing, though we could ‘see’ each other. He had lots of time to talk to me, too much time, he could spend all day on the computer chat-ting with me. The photo he sent me of his daughter was an obvious stock photo and not a pic of his teenaged daughter, whom he hadn’t seen in 2 years. Accord-ing to him, she lived at a Cana-dian Boarding School all year round. I Googled to check and boarding schools in Canada cost over $50 K a year. I’m not positive, but I found it hard to believe that a US soldier made enough to pay for a private boarding school.What I did to verify my suspicions: I read a bunch about Syr-ia, the climate, the people, the towns, the news, etc. Then asked him general vague ques-tions, like what did you do to-day? Or what’s it like in Syria now? Or How’s the weather?
He’d take a long time to answer compared to other parts of our conversation. Then he’d send me a link to a news story, a weather update. He Googled the answer instead of telling me about his own expe-riences. At one point, I asked him what time it was and he gave me the wrong time. I’d checked to see what the time difference was, so when he told me 10:00, I knew that he couldn’t be in Syria. He was in Russia. The nail on his cofn was when he told me that his ‘son’ needed a mother. Remember, he had a teenage daughter and his son had died in a car acci-dent. That’s a detail any parent would keep straight.How to Identify a Scammer: Scammers have gotten more sophisticated over time. They now have fake Facebook proles with few friends, none of whom are connected to each other, and were just opened. They have phone numbers reg-istered to actual places in the US. They have addresses of a place near you. They have busi-nesses with simple websites.
So, how can you know if that great guy or gal, who wants to get to know you on-line, is real or a scammer? I don’t have a foolproof formula, all I can do is offer some points to help you.Keep a written record of the details, ie, age, location, kids, job.Is the info given appropriate or are they trying to prove their story with evidence regular people wouldn’t send without being asked. Like receipts, let-terhead invoices, or other odd bits of information.Keep all messages to compare to new information coming inAsk vague open ended ques-tions to encourage more de-tails. Do they give details of their story or do they just want to know about you?Do they ask odd questions like, where you went to high school, the name of your rst pet, where your parents met? Beware of password type ques-tions coming from someone.Ask yourself, does the voice, accent, etc, match the photo and the storyWant to Share Your Story?
Research the information Goo-gle has lots of information. If there is nothing, don’t panic, they may just be a private per-son.Do an image search using their images by dropping the pho-to in the Google search bar. I found the photos being sent were of actors and models, and no, they were not the person on the other end of the line.If you nd a social media feed using the photo you have been sent, send them a message through their prole. It may be the one they created or it may be one they stole photos from.Keep a written record of the times you chat & what time it would be there. Are they too available when they should be working or sleeping? Consider-ing the time difference, do they make sense?Ask yourself, does the infor-mation provided make sense? Do not give too many details about your life, keep talking about them. If they won’t talk about themselves and reply to your questions with questions, nd someone else to chat with.Does the conversation feel scripted and inauthentic com-pared to other conversations you have. Do not give lan-guage barriers as an excuse for scripted answers.Go with your gut and keep ask-Subscribe to APeeling
ing yourself questions, without asking them to explain why the information isn’t making sense. If you see a pattern of lies and things that don’t make sense, save yourself time and block him. I have talked with a few on-line dating scammers to get a good idea of how they sound, what they promise, what they say. They have a system, it’s like they all took the same Online Scammers course and work off the same script. When a Scammer asked me for money: Most times I talk to scam-mers, I shut them down way before they get to the request for money, one time, I didn’t. This scammer was good,
Like this article? Share it ->Click Peel to Commentat rst, then he started trigger-ing red ags, so I decided to test the waters and went all in. I pretended to be in love, crazy do anything for him love. Plan-ning a future together, every-thing. It took a week for him to ask me for money to get home from Taiwan, $50 000 - he had a shipment in customs and needed the cash to bribe of-cials to get it out. I told him, I didn’t have that kind of money. He asked for $25 000. I told him, I didn’t have that kind of money. He asked me to get a loan. I told him, I wouldn’t. He told me love is about helping each other out. Ah yeah - NO!Bottom Line: No matter how wonderful they sound, the minute they ask you for money, it’s a scam. Close your computer and run. Run fast. Block him from ev-erything and look for someone who lives close to you. If he says he can only turn to you to ask for help, do you really want to be dating a person with so few real world people who care about them? If they are alone in this world, chances are, there is a good reason for it. - RUN! I’d never ask someone online for money - NEVER. Would you?
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There is no denying that this is a difcult time for anyone who sought support from others outside of the home, regardless of whom they live with. Any forced change can result in depression in anyone who does not have the tools to cope. Dealing with change in lifestyle is difcult even when one is excited about the changes. When a negative change is forced upon you, the ground is fertile for hopelessness and de-pression to take root. This can happen at any time, not just during a Pandemic shut down. It can happen when some-one you love dies, you experience divorce, your kids move out, you get red or laid off, an investment tanks, your business goes belly up, you are in nan-cial trouble, and when the world pushes you behind closed doors.BattlingDepression
Clinical depression is the type where medical intervention is needed. The following are different types of clinical depression: Major Depression. People who exhibit depression symptoms for 2 weeks are longer can be diag-nosed with major depression. The symptoms to look out for are sud-den weight loss or gain, Trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, feeling extremely tired all day, feeling restless, agitat-ed, sluggish, feelings of worthless-ness, trouble concentrating, trou-ble making decisions, thoughts of suicide. There are different levels of major depression, mild, moder-ate, and severe. Where someone ts in on this scale will determine their treatment. Most need to talk to a professional to help them ob-tain the tools to go into battle. Some will need extra phar-maceutical help to balance brain chemistry or hormones. Medication is not something to avoid or be encouraged by non-medical loved ones to forgo taking.Persistent Depressive Disorder (previously called chronic). People who suffer from this type of major depression have been battling it for over two years. Those who have this type need medication to bal-ance their chemical makeup.Psychotic Depression. This is ma-jor depression with hallucinations thrown in for *hits and giggles. Those suffering from this type of depression can see things that ar-en’t there, are delusional, or par-anoid. This type of depression is very serious and needs to be taken seriously by loved ones who are in a supportive role.Different types of Depression
Bi-Polar Disorder. Those who suf-fer from bi-polar disorder, other-wise known as manic depression, have extreme mood swings, which lead to self-destructive behaviours on both sides of the pendulum. When they are in a manic phase, they feel invincible, have big ideas, and a truckload of ener-gy. They don’t sleep when experi-encing mania and they don’t have normal reactions to situations. A serious illness in a loved one won’t phase them because they can x anything. Then the fall comes and suddenly they can’t do anything, all their plans and efforts go up in smoke as they hide from the world. For people suffering from this ill-ness, the treatments are more complex. Non-Clinical depression af-fects more people and thankfully is more temporary than it’s clinical counterpart.Situational Depression. Most peo-ple who experience depression at some point in their lives have this type of depression. It is triggered by an event they have no con-You are NOT Alone!
Think Differentlytrol over and causes them a great amount of grief. At times they have lost their purpose, their reason for living, and feel like they no longer matter in this world. Once the situ-ation has resolved itself or enough time has passed, the depression eases and they can lead normal lives again. Some people will need a mild anti-depressant to help them get through this time. Seasonal Affection Disorder (SAD). We all can suffer from sea-sonal depression if we move to the north pole between October and May without any Vitamin D sup-plements. Those who live in places where the sun doesn’t shine for months on end, like Vancouver in the winter, seasonal depression can settle in, especially if your body lacks Vitamin D. With a special bright light and some Vitamin D pills, most people are able to get out of their funk during the long dark winter. Postpartum Depression. This occurs in mothers who struggle after childbirth for a lot of different reasons, hormones, anticlimactic expectations, lack of support, life changes, lack of condence, lack of sleep, and a number of oth-er reasons. Mothers who are not
bonding with their babies, cry allthe time, or want to do nothing butsleep need to see a doctor, evenif they don’t feel like it. They won’tfeel like it. They might need some-one to take control and get themhelp by taking them to the doctorand explaining what they are wit-nessing.Premenstrual Dysphoric Disor-der (PMDD). This occurs in women monthly before their periods andcan be hard to diagnose becausethere could also be PMS symptomsmasking this problem. If you ndyourself getting sad, disinterested,really tired, anxious before yourperiod every month, you may needpharmaceutical help to manageyour hormones or brain chemistry.
You need an army to ght with you against the enemy. No one can win this war without sup-port and help. It is easier for some-one to remain in the dark alone instead of asking for help. Those who speak up and ask for help are brave and have the strength to get better because they took the hard-est step – the rst one. You need to ll your army’s ranks with supporters who are equipped to help you. It is import-ant you recruit more than one, as it is unfair to expect one person to take on the burden of helping you get back on your feet. As the General of this army it is important for you to care for your troops. Unless you are paying for professional help, your support system is not all about you. It is important you nd ways to support those friends and family members who step up to help you. When you help others you nd purpose and meaning in your life, which will help you to get better.Therapist. You need to nd some-one who will hear you and listen to what you are saying. Someone who is trained to help depressed people understand what is going on in their heads and can ask the right questions to unlock doors to discover solutions. It is important you nd the right person and un-derstand the type of therapy they offer so you can understand what to expect from it. If you have major depression, you need to nd a professional therapist, not a life coach, not a friend, not your mother.Different types of Supporters
Friends. People you can call and will drop what they are doing to go to a movie with you, go for a walk, have some coffee, whatever activ-ity you enjoy doing. These people are there for you and you are there for them. It’s a two-way street. If it isn’t a two-way street – you need to evaluate your capacity to be a good friend or your type of friends.Pet. Pets can work wonders on your soul by loving you and being there when you need them for a snuggle or a quiet listener. Family. This area of people can be a mineeld. If you have a tox-ic family then you need to look to others for support. If you have sup-portive family, be grateful for them and do whatever you can to be supportive back. Family members aren’t your therapist, your savior, or your get out of jail free card. They are the people who love you no matter what stupid thing you do or say. Don’t expect them to carry your burden or be someone they aren’t.There are those who care and want to help you
Mentors, Teachers, Leaders. Throughout our lives we come across different people who men-tor us, teach us, and lead us. These people can help you by sharing their stories of how they battle de-pression and give you helpful advice. Understand their role in your life, they aren’t your BFF or your thera-pist. These are people who have been where you are and can teach you what worked for them. Some of it will work for you, some of it won’t. Be thankful for their time and listen attentively to their stories to nd weapons you can use in your battles. Avoid people who think they have it all gured out and an “if I can do it you can do it” philosophy, especially if they believe in a one size ts all solu-tion. They are unable to see people as different from themselves and don’t understand others need different solu-tions. If someone is quick to give you advice and slow to listen to what you are actually going through, don’t look to them for help. They are incapable of hearing you and don’t have the empa-thy to truly understand you, your story and where you are on your journey. Make sure those whom you turn to are equipped to help and you are realistic in your expectations of them. Most importantly, nd a therapist who is trained in your type of depression.
Different types of Treatments Every soldier needs train-ing to be effective in battle. For those battling depression, train-ing comes in the form of ther-apy. There are three distinctive camps Psycho, Behavioural, and humanistic, all of which will provide you with the weapons you need to win this ght.Psychodynamic TherapiesPsychodynamic Therapy – It is the lie on the couch and talk your problems away by diving deep into your past to discov-er why you are struggling in the present. These one-hour sessions with trained psycho-logical professionals asking you “How does that make you feel,” go one for as long as the person need help. Psychody-namic Therapy believes chron-ic problems are rooted in the unconscious mind and need to be understood for a catharsis to occur. It helps the person become self-aware of their un-conscious patterns and how they formed in order to rewire or change the pattern. Psycho-dynamic therapy is focused on the individual and is patient led free form sessions without a predetermined subject to dis-cuss.Freudian Therapy – This is the original therapy theory of the unconscious (id) which is moderated by the ego and the superego, and controls the id impulses through guilt and shame. You must dig deep into your childhood for an answer.
Ego Therapy – This type is de-rived from the Freudian and focuses on ego function as it relates to world outside the individual. It focuses on the in-dividual’s capacity to form de-fenses, adapt, and test reality. Object Relations Therapy – This theory believes individuals are formed by those around them. The individual strug-gles to maintain relationships with other people while being unique. The representation of self is created in childhood and played out in adult relation-ships. We repeatedly engage in the same type of relationships to become free of them. Self-Psychology therapy – Self is the individual’s perception of their experience and their self-es-teem. It focuses on the individ-uals perceived relationship with others based on differentiators and boundaries. It believes that those who choose self-destruc-tive behaviours have a weakness at the core of their personalities. By engaging in addictive be-haviours, they are trying to ll a void in their self-esteem. The right professional makes all the difference
Where Psychotherapy looks deep inside the individual and can take an indeterminate amount of time to root out the cause and then create different patterns in behaviour, cognitive therapies focus on changing the behaviour in the present. The more modern, Cog-nitive therapy focuses on what is happening now and doesn’t dive into your subconscious mind or your childhood, it is only concerned with what is go-ing on right now. “The alternative, “prob-lem-based” therapies, such as cognitive behavioral thera-py, aim to reduce or eliminate symptoms instead of exploring the client’s deep-seated needs, urges, and desires (McLeod, 2014). “As a result, the thera-py sessions are scheduled for a short period of time, follow a set course like structure, occur in both group and one on one sessions.
Cognitive TherapiesCognitive Behavioural Thera-py courses – These 20 session courses will help you under-stand your behaviours and your thought patterns to gain con-trol over your mind and emo-tions. It is a form of psycho-therapy that focuses on how a person’s thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes affect their feelings and behaviors. CBT focuses on the thoughts and feelings of the moment to change a person’s mindset and thereby affect their emotions at that moment. It can give you the weapons you need to combat depression during the darkest of times.Dialectic Behavioural Thera-py – Is a type of Cognitive Be-havioural Therapy developed in 1980 to treat borderline per-sonality disorder. Dialectics is based on the concept that ev-erything is composed of oppo-sites and change occurs when there is a dialogue, an example of this is my courtroom weap-on, which attacks lies with truth. This therapy helps you to live in the moment, regulate emo-tions, manage stress, and build better relationships. Mindfulness Therapy – This 8-week course marries mindful-ness meditation and techniques with interactive cognitive sub-system theory which says our mind has two modes to receive and process data, a being mode and a doing mode. It helps to disconnect thoughts from moods to liberate a per-son from their negative thought patterns and replace them with positive thought patterns. Systematic therapy – This ther-apy is derived from the belief we are all interconnected and how we interact affects the in-dividual. It is used in family and couples therapy to understand
how the unit interacts, commu-nicates, and behaves towards each other to teach new com-munication and behavioural techniques. If your family is part of the cause of your depres-sion, consider this type of ther-apy.Supportive therapy – This type of therapy is different than most psychotherapies which ask questions to help the person nd the answers for themselves. A supportive therapist will inject their opin-ions, advice, encouragement, reassurance, and comfort when needed. They still listen to the person. However, they are ac-tively helping the person by telling them what they need to do instead of allowing them to gure it out for themselves. This type of therapy is good for people who are unable to care for themselves or nd it hard to think for themselves.
Cognitive therapies are short term therapies using pos-itive thinking and mindfulness techniques in a course format. These therapists are focused on the present and changing your thought patterns without diving deep into the cause. It provides a group of people the tools (weapons) to win battles, but they won’t help you win the war. If you have clinical de-pression, you still need to nd someone willing to dive into the cause and help you to un-derstand how you got where you are and how you can move forward in the long run. A com-bination of therapies and drugs may be required to get you battle ready.Humanistic TherapiesHumanistic therapy believes people can make choices to develop to their maximum po-tential. Unlike cognitive thera-pies, Humanistic therapy focus-es on the individual instead of a group to dene the approach. Cognitive therapies are a one size ts all type therapy with set course outline and worksheets.
Humanistic emphasizes posi-tive behaviours and the abili-ty of the individual to achieve self-actualization through self-exploration. Client Centered Therapy – This type of therapy let’s “clients” tell their own stories at their own pace in their own way. The ther-apist is there only to listen and create a safe non-judgemental environment for the individual to explore the meaning for them-selves. It is believed that the client knows more about them-selves than the therapist does so they do not need the guidance or wisdom of an expert. Gestalt Therapy – This meth-od helps clients to focus on the now and understand what is really happening rather than what they perceive as occurring based on their past experienc-es. Clients do more than talk about their past, they re-expe-rience them through re-enact-ment to understand what really happened instead of what they remember. Existential Therapy – Therapists help individuals nd meaning and purpose in their lives to end the fear of the unknown. It believes you have free will to determine your future and help to make the choices with less anxiety and more authenticity.
The rst weapon to take into battle is the knowledge that your mind and emotions lie to you. That’s right, they lie. You can’t trust them. Crazy talk you say. Con-sidering depression is sneaky and attacks your emotions and thoughts, like a demon whis-pering in your ear, it can make you do things you would not do in saner happier moments. I’m not saying depressed people hear demons, unless they have psychotic depres-sion. What I’m saying is your mind is feeding you lies by say-ing, “You don’t matter.” “No one cares about you.” “No one would notice if you disap-peared.” “You are worthless.” “You can’t do anything right.” … You get the point. These lies can be backed up with evidence from the out-side world. Your brain says, “No one wants you.” Then pro-vides the evidence to back up its claim, With evidence, it can be easy to believe the lies so you need the second weapon. A journal. Write letters in a journal about how you are feeling and why. As you write your thoughts will become less jumbled and you will be able to analyze them. The third weapon, become a lawyer. Your mind says, “No one wants you.” And gives you evidence to back up the lie. What do you do? You become a defense lawyer. “What about…” You Different types of Tools
list the people who want you in their lives to balance it against the prosecution’s evidence. You need to be honest and list those you take for granted. Then comes the cross and the prosecution can be cruel. “No one wants you because you are always alone.” Now it’s time to get real and be brutally honest with yourself. “I’m alone all the time because I choose to be so I can do the things I want to do with-out interruption.” The key is to be brutal with yourself during cross to get to the truth. When we are in self-pity mode, we make “All” state-ments and can’t see what is in front of us because we aren’t getting what we wanted. For example, the prose-cution says, “No one will ever love you because you never get asked out.” At this point you have to be honest. Do you really never get a date or do the only ones asking not inter-est you? Keep going back and forth until you discover why you are struggling to nd love. Another weapon is distrac-tion. You need to distract your mind. Listen to audio books, play upbeat music, work on a project. Do something to occu-py your mind. Lists. As much as it pains me to say this, gratitude and
There is an app for That.
CBT Apps are available as tools to help you manage your moods.
afrmation lists work. They re-mind you of all the good things in your life when you can’t re-member one good thing. Afrmations balance the scales by offsetting the lies with truths. I’m not talking about positive thinking falsehoods or faking it ‘til you make it state-ments. I mean truths. When you are mentally strong and in a good place make a list of truths to reference when you need to. Take inventory. One of the ways depression will get you is to remind you about what you’ve lost or what you don’t have anymore. Take stock of what you do have, what you own, your skills, your talents, your achievements. Don’t think about what you want – focus on what you have. Find your purpose. With-out a purpose, a reason for living, you can get caught in the undertow and get dragged down to where thoughts of sui-cide live. You need to nd your purpose and then make plans to fulll that purpose. Dream of tomorrow. This is different than taking inventory. This works when you get stuck
in the past and your present situation will not get you out of it. Dream of tomorrow. Some-thing you can obtain by taking action. Try to stay away from things where you need another person to make it a reality, like getting married or getting your dream job. Think about your dream vacation and then plan it. Re-search it, nd out how much it would cost, what Air BnB or hotel would you choose, every-thing. Save pictures to a Pinter-est board. Pick something you can get excited about and you can achieve on your own. Other weapons are: Call-ing a friend. Going for a walk. Go for a drive. Drawing. Watch a comedy. Listen to a stand-up comedian’s podcast. Clean the house. Have a shower. Find zoom meetups. Take an online course. Create a vision board. Read a book. The key is to do some-thing. Anything. Just lying there in bed won’t help you get better. If you know what your purpose is, act on it. During the pandemic feel-ings of isolation have increased, domestic violence is up, and people are disconnected. This is an environment depression thrives in. Call Your Local Depression Helpline
It is important you work with someone who is trained in depression, who will listen to you, ask questions, and strive to understand where you are coming from instead of some-one who wants to tell you how to live. Avoid people who think they have it all gured out and an “if I can do it, you can do it” philosophy. Many of those who believe in a one size ts all solution are unable to see people as different from them-selves and don’t understand others need different solutions. If someone is quick to give you advice and slow to listen to what you are actually going through, move on. They are incapable of hearing you and don’t have the empathy to truly understand you, your story, and where you are on your journey. Stay away from positive thinking people who jump down your throat when you make a statement which they deem negative and ing placat-ing positive thinking statements at you. These people only want the happy positive you and are not equipped to help the sad, depressed you. Instead look to those who have the skills and training to truly help you. Not everyone will be able to help you. It is important you don’t expect them to save you, be there for you, or x you. Only you can do that with guid-ance from trained therapists willing to ask questions and listen to your story. Like this article? Share it ->Click Peel to Join the conversation
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Rose & Sunday Dinner House cleaned, check. The roast is in the oven, check. The potatoes on the stove, check. The cake is iced, the pudding’s chilled, check. Buns. Oh no, I forgot the buns. “Alexis… Alexis…” My voice gets louder as I scream up the stairs. “ALEXIS!” “Ya what do you want? I’m busy.” “Doing what?” “None of your business.” “It is my business. Forget it. I need you to go and pick up some dinner buns from the store. Everyone will be here soon.” “Why does everyone have to come every week?” “Seriously? You’ve asked that question every week since you were fourteen and the an-swer has always been the same. Now get me the buns.” “Yes M’am.” She salutes. I hate it when she does that. I don’t have time to discipline her, I’ll just store it for later. Now where was I? Buns, house, roast, potatoes, buns, cake, and pudding, drinks. “Alexis… get ginger ale.” I yell at her back as she leaves the house. “Moooom.” Isabella comes bounding down the stairs. The girl truly does bound like a rab-bit or some kind of stair-bound-ing kangaroo. Drives me nuts. Turn it offBy Shannon PeelThe Novel #ThatsLife was written as a serial series. Each Issue of APeeling will include a chapter for you to enjoy.
“Yes, Isabella?” “Isa, Mom it’s Isa.” “I named you. It’s Isabella and I’m not having this conver-sation again. What?” “Aiden is messing around in my room.” “Tell him to get out.” “He won’t listen.”No surprise there. That boy has selective hearing. “Tell him I have some cookies here for him.” “Cookies? Can I have one?” “And ruin your dinner and your gure?” She glares at me. I know that was an unfair remark, still the girl would live on junk food if I let her. It’s so hard to get her to eat a healthy meal. One day she told us she was going to be a vegetarian. More like a carbotarian. The girl only ate bread and cheese, mainly in the form of cheese pizza. That didn’t last long be-fore I sat her down with a good healthy meal of meat, potatoes, and vegetables. Wouldn’t let her get up ‘til she ate it all. A growing girl needs a healthy meal. “Isa said you had cook-ies?” “It’s Isabella, Aiden, and yes, if you go help your father with the lawn.”Five Women Navigating Life in the 21st Century.
“Do I have to?” “Yes you have to. Next time, don’t bug your sister. Now out you go. Your father shouldn’t have to do it all on his own anymore, you’re thir-teen, plenty old enough to help out. Hurry, everyone will be here soon.” “Is Davie coming?” “Yes. I think so. He was at his father’s last week, right? So he’s here this week. Now off you go or you won’t be playing with Davie or getting any cook-ies.” With that he was out the door to help Gus with the yard work. Oh damn I should have given the boy a beer to take to his dad. Gus will be thirsty. Beer? Oh no. I rush to the ga-rage where there is another fridge usually lled with beer and wine. I forgot to check our supplies. “Hey honey, how’s the din-ner coming?” “Gus.” He is pulling cases of beer and bottles of wine out of the car. He remembered. “Let me help you.” He bends down kisses me on the cheek and then hands me a couple bottles of wine. I look up at him. My man. Tall. Solid. My heart oods with joy and I want to be in his arms. That will have to wait. It’s Sun-day and everyone will be here soon. So much to do. Always so much to do. I love Sundays. Family days. It is a lot of work having everyone over here every week to get caught up and recon-nected and I love it. Since my sisters moved my parents into the city it’s the only way I get to see them. Family is so import-ant and the kids really need to spend time with their grandpar-ents before they are gone. Not that it will be anytime soon, mind you.
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